5 Mindfulness Tips for When Things Don’t Go Your Way
Is one of your goals is to maintain a state of peace and happiness? ☮️ Wouldn’t it be nice to just stay calm, no matter what happens?
The most common time that I get pushed out of my circle of peace is: when things don’t go my way.
❎ It’s when I thought it’d only take 5 minutes to stand in line, and it takes 35 minutes.
❎ It’s when I just want to relax outside in the sun, and there’s loud drilling going on next door.
❎ It’s when I can’t find my keys, when I needed to leave 5 minutes ago.
The biggest disruption to our state of peace is when things abruptly don’t go our way.
When something doesn’t go as planned, no matter how big or small, we need a way out of frustration and anger. So we tend to complain, blame, or justify why things didn’t work out and why they should have.
In mindfulness practice, it’s important to take situations and learn from them, not just react.
A disruption comes up to teach you something. It’s time to take the garbage you’ve been given and make a flower grow from it!
Here’s a quote from my favorite mindfulness book, You Are Here, by Thich Nhat Hahn.
“Sorrow, fear, and depression are all a kind of garbage. These bits of garbage are part of real life, and we must look deeply into their nature.
You can practice in order to turn these bits of garbage into flowers. It is not only your love that is organic; your hate is, too. So you should not throw anything out.
All you have to do is learn how to transform your garbage into flowers.”
- You Are Here, Thich Nhat Hahn.
Mindfulness is about making flowers and beauty arise from the garbage, or a phoenix from the ashes!
You can train yourself to do this!
Join me in learning how to choose peace every time.
This exploration is honestly to help me stay in peace, but I know it will help you, too.
How we react to events BEFORE mindfulness
#1 Reaction
The #1 reaction is: COMPLAINING. There’s something inside us that wants to tell someone or everyone how it feels when we had to suffer. You know, because it was so embarrassing to have the one squeaky cart in the grocery store and everyone’s looking at you!
#2 Reaction
The #2 thing is BLAME those people for it not working out my way: they should have fixed that grocery cart! Or I blame myself for not choosing a better one.
#3 Reaction
The #3 thing is JUSTIFY or make excuses why it didn’t work out, like saying “I deserved this cart because I’m not good enough to get a cart that doesn’t squeak.”
All of these cause you to never look at the root of your feelings, and therefore never use the garbage to make into flowers.
Why do we react when things don’t go our way?
Feeling satisfied when things DO go our way is a form of control. Everything you set into motion worked. Yay! It feels good to be in control.
So when it DOESN’T go our way, our subconscious thinks we’re not in control anymore.
Our “lack of control” causes a spiral effect:
“I’m not in control.”
⬇️
”That makes me feel insecure, or even insignificant.”
⬇️
”I feel the need to be back in control.”
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”I need immediate action to gain control back.”
Because of the “immediate” need to gain control back, you feel angry and react in the 3 ways: Complaining, Blaming and Justifying.
3 steps to mindfully handle things that don’t go your way.
1.Breathe
It always comes back to breathing in mindfulness! The second you realize you had a reaction to something not going your way, it’s key that you realized it.
Take 3 deep breathes - just like they say in the movies. This is your #1 key to stop you in your tracks!!!
2. Find an Anchor
Just like a ship sailing in choppy water, put down the anchor. Stay for a while and wait till the waters calm down.
Reminders = Anchors.
What are things that remind you of peace? Perhaps its a quote, or mala beads around your wrist, or a charm necklace. It might be a mandala on your desk with the perfect quote. Or it could be a person you idolize who is calm, like your yoga teacher or a spiritual figure, or a symbol like an angel or butterfly.
This anchor should inspire you and remind you of your truth. It will help you calm down and be an example of choosing peace in this difficult moment.
3. STOP the spread of the negativity before it takes root.
STOP outer complaining - this is 100% for real!
I know it’s tempting. I find that sometimes it helps to talk it out when I need an actual solution, but most times it just makes me feel like I threw negative at someone else.
And sometimes it does help to complain to a friend, but make it quick and productive if you must do it. Unless you really really need to talk about it to get to a solution, avoid trapping someone in your misery. You are a light warrior, spreading light, and not fear and misery.
Try this instead:
Journal - just let your feelings out.
Write - write a letter or email as though you were writing to a friend, then burn or delete it.
Converse with your inner self - connect within and have a conversation to explore your emotions. This could be a meditation or in writing.
4. Big Picture: Explore the meaning
Nothing happens by accident. If you’ve connected to your inner-truth, you know that you’re here on a journey and you’re only part of a bigger picture. Even a trip to the grocery store with a squeaky cart is meant to teach you a lesson!
💙 What is it that you need to overcome?
💙 Why did that specific incident trigger you?
💙 What are you meant to learn here?
Find out why events like this come up on a soul level. Be careful to not fall into the trap of feeling like you’re giving up and just “accepting the way things are”.
True acceptance comes from a place where you see that this is part of a greater plan, and it all makes sense why things happened. True acceptance makes you feel strong.
Mindful acceptance is to see that you cannot change what happened and understand that it’s part of a bigger picture.
Journaling or inner self talk might help you get here. Your anchor from step #2 will help you get to the meaning so you see the big picture again.
5. Replacement Therapy
How do you turn garbage into flowers?
Your everyday mindfulness practice teaches you to come to the present moment so you can learn to see the beauty right now.
And right now. And right now.
Replace heavy thoughts with something beautiful that makes you happy. Fill yourself with these thoughts!
How thankful you feel that you can see through your eyes and that they are healthy
How good you feel when your child runs and gives you a hug
How beautiful it is when the sun creates a highlight and shadow on your dog’s fur.
It feels forced at first, but you’re staying in the present moment. It allows peace to surround you. Practice for at least 5 minutes after you’ve done steps 1-4.
Hint: continue your mindfulness practice daily so you can always use it like this!
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I hope you put these 5 steps into your practice, starting right now!
A GREAT way to practice mindfulness is by making mandalas! Learn to make mandalas in the FREE Mini-Workshops!
Question: Have you tried any of these steps? Which of these steps works the best for YOU? Leave a reply in the comments!
Feel free to contact me anytime with questions or if you feel the need for further guidance.
~ Mara
*This information was inspired by the book: The Calling, by Rha Goddess
